"Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so." Ok, so I might be filled with doubt, regret, shame and all sorts of other pain. God loves me. He knows all of my sins and transgressions. He knows when I’ve lied and cheated, and He knows all the times I’ve broken the commandments, one by one. "The Bible tells me so." Psalm 139:1, 16(NLT) O Lord you have examined my heart and know everything about me…You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. He gave me life. He knows me to the core and beyond and still He loves me.

So, what did I do? Well, I went off in search, in search of love and acceptance; I just wanted to fit in. I went to find myself. Now in that search I found something, alright. I found pain. I found an open grave and bit by bit I tried to fill it with myself. It wasn’t an easy task; no it took years and years. I poured myself a drink of sorrow a shot of misery. I took a pill of self deceit. I smoked a bowl of self condemnation. I lay down with Satan. I consorted and frolicked with his demons. It was all so very enticing. The music was wildly exhilarating. I was aroused by the promise of an empty grave disguised by neon lights and the glitter of fool’s gold. Its penetrating darkness was illuminated by an illusion. The laughter and the music, the tinkling of glasses coming together in the guise of celebration; I had arrived.

This pretense went on for quite sometime. Till one day in a moment of clarity I saw a light shine down into this grave. All about me were bones, filth, human waste, rats and vultures gnawing on rotting flesh. The lie was then formed in my mind, ingrained deeply. For me there was no way out. I had purchased this ticket on the train of doom and this is where I’d remain for all my life. I went about to make this life’s ride as pain free as I could, ever digging the grave deeper. I drank and drugged and used others simply in the name of survival. I knew no way out. 2 Samuel 14:14 All must die eventually. Our lives are like spilled water on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God does not just sweep life away: instead He devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from Him. He loved me all the while .He created me, knew me and loved me. Psalms 139:8 If I go up to heaven you are there if I go down to the grave you are there.

Romans 8:35-37(NLT) Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity or are persecuted or hungry or destitute or in danger threatened by death? (As the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day we are being slaughtered like sheep.") No despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us. His love picked me up out of the grave. He let me know that, yes, indeed I am a sinner and yes the wages of sin is death! But through Christ Jesus I can have life everlasting.

I cried out one day because I was beaten, battered and bruised; my wounds ran deep as the rivers. I was destitute; my body, mind and soul where soiled. I had consorted with all sorts of evil and the enemy had defeated me. But God’s Grace and His mighty love saved me. All I had to do was ask for help. "God help me!" That was my prayer; simple yet all so profound. My cry for help was heard through the dimensions straight to God’s ears. Out of all the billions of people, God heard my small voice. I was all alone and He heard me. He supernaturally transformed this sinful wretch. He had a plan already devised for the salivation of my soul. He had sent His only begotten son to be born of a virgin to die on the cross to unlock the gates of hell and redeem the key of life for me. He ascended into heaven and filled the universe with Himself. He did all of this because He loved me.

He loves me, "...for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong! They are weak but he is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so."

I tell this simply because God's amazing love saved me. I was very toxic in my learned behavior. At twelve I set off in the world, alone. I learned how to fit in with drugs and alcohol. I survived financially through topless dancing and by thirteen I had graduated to prostitution. By sixteen I had my first child, by seventeen I was married and had three more babies. That isn’t the end of my story. No, by twenty-one I was divorced. I divorced my husband and married king alcohol. I lost my children and went right back to what I knew; back to the houses in Nevada. By thirty-three I thought I’d leave that life for a cleaner life-style, bartending. I’m forty-eight today. I carried the weight of that life-style till I was forty-six; when alcoholism finally beat me and God intervened. You may be sitting somewhere by yourself thinking there’s no hope. But I’m here to shout it from the roof tops; there is hope!

Today, I have that peace that surpasses all understanding.

Today, I’m not alone. Every day isn’t perfect, no, and it never will be while I still reside on planet earth.

But today, I have a God of my own understanding. The really exciting thing is that my understanding grows daily. It’s better than money in the bank. So you see there is no reason to continue in a life filled with pain, despair and anguish. Jesus came to save me and you. He sits and waits for you to say, “Come in and save me from eternal death.” Jesus came so that you and I can live with him forever in heaven. Jesus came to save wretches like us. If it can happen for me it can happen for you, too. Jesus really does love me...and you.

Michele serves as Holy Hands Minister of the Word and is a candidate for ordination.  She fills the pulpit when the Pastor is unavailable and is a guest speaker in various Christian venues

If you would like to contact Michele, click her name.